"We just wanted the girls not to cry." Svetlana Anokhina, Marem Group
The system is designed so that a woman is always a game that runs and hides. And she is caught by the state, and her wonderful family, and everyone sets her up, except for a couple of the same holy fools who are trying to do something, to save. We are the only ones who stand next to this girl, girl, woman and do not tell her that she is to blame and must return.
None of the Ingush and Chechen human rights activists-men is engaged in women. Well, like, it's to fit into someone else's family! A woman, she is not a subject, she is someone's property. It's walking, talking. A dark matter, a strange family, you can't make out. Why disassemble? If a person from this family is torn – what is there to disassemble: who is right, who is to blame? They don’t ask you to reconcile – they ask you to help a person escape.
And the worst thing is that you, who yesterday still felt the support of male human rights activists — when I went, for example, to Oyub’s trial — feeling the tremendous solidarity of the entire human rights community, you suddenly find yourself alone when you start doing some kind of conditional Patimat, which was beaten out the fifth tooth, which has broken ribs and is already on the verge of suicide.
Our blessed state behaves exactly like a terry patriarchal head of the family. Like a man losing his masculine strength and power and therefore extinguishing and crushing everyone under him. And all these statements of the clergy, which are so joyfully printed, about the destiny of a woman, about her place, about the fact that she must obey … This is exactly what our state dictates to us as citizens, isn't it? It considers us all as its minors, mentally handicapped children and as women.
I'm scared all the time. But the worst thing is when a person is pulled out of your hands, whom you held by the hand 10 minutes before and said: “We will not give you up to anyone. I promise you, we will not give you away to anyone, ”as happened with Lima <Khalimat Taramova – The Insider> . She was afraid that we would just take her and hand her over. And we didn't give up.
Yes, you can be bent, broken, dragged, beaten, shot, in the end. But as long as you stand on your feet, as long as you have hands and your thin cry – in which, well, that's all: and driven, and despair, and impotence, and rage – as long as you have it all, you stand and hold this shitty fucking door. And there is simply no other choice.
Muslim girls in the Caucasus most often did not study anywhere. Many do not know the obvious things. They get an idea of Islam very often from the hands of fathers, brothers, husbands, who are not at all interested in telling them that in Islam a wife does not have to work at home. That her husband is obliged to provide for her. That she is free to set the marriage gift (the so-called maha) as she wants is her airbag in case her husband dies or leaves.
The Islamic rights of women, guaranteed to her by Sharia, are violated all the time. There are Islamic feminists, they are in favor of having a mechanism that allows them to defend themselves. There is such a criterion – zulm, oppression. And in relation to a woman, zulm is now being made, because in fact she has the right to divorce and many other things.
For me, burnout is when I just get lost and I want to yell. And I want to scream more and more
For example, in the muftiate in Makhachkala there is a special department for regulating family relations. And a few years ago I heard from one of the employees of the Muftiate that a woman does not have the right to divorce – which is contrary to Islam, but he broadcast this idea. And Islamic feminists are for ensuring that the rights of women in Islam, Sharia rights, are respected. For this, they are all vilified: both Caucasian girls and men, on the one hand, and conventionally metropolitan radical feminists, on the other. And they all argue endlessly whether feminism can be Islamic. Yes maybe. Because feminism for me is about women's rights. And if these rights are understood in a purely canonical Islamic framework, this is also feminism.
For me, burnout is when I just get lost and I want to yell. And I want to scream more and more. Because if we previously faced only the fact that a person should simply be pulled out and sent to a safe place, now we are faced with stories when this person tries to socialize, but the state interferes with him.
And you also feel this huge male oppressive, imperious force. And she breaks you, a weak person – screaming like a hare, because he no longer has any tools for protection. And no one listens to you. You stop sleeping, become confused, unproductive. And, of course, you need to rest.
We had to become human rights activists and sue the cops. We didn't want to, we just wanted the girls not to cry.
“The girls are coming back because they believe things will change now.” Maryam Aliyeva
Aliyeva is a writer, human rights activist, author of the public “Diaries of a Goryanka”, together with Svetlana Anokhina, she was at the origins of the creation of the “Marem Group”, she defends victims of domestic violence in the North Caucasus. She says that even after very difficult, long and expensive evacuations, victims return home of their own accord. Leyla Gireeva from Ingushetia in November 2022 turned to Marem Group activists for help. The girl was hiding in St. Petersburg from her relatives, they were trying to bring the fugitive home. Human rights activists managed to recapture Gireeva, but two months later, at the end of January 2023, the girl returned to her relatives herself.
The girl had a real nightmare at home, she experienced violence. And when she leaves this and gets the first sip of freedom, at first everything is cool, and then she does not know what to do with this freedom. At home it was clear: at such and such a time you were beaten, scolded for such and such an act, you were not allowed to go there. And when you're free, you don't know what to do. Since you have experienced violence since childhood, you have not developed a mechanism in your head that says that you need to do this here, and here you need to do this. And the person remains alone with himself, which has never happened before, alone with responsibility. But he has never been taught this responsibility and does not know what to do with it. And then it gets scary. It is easier to return home, to a place where everything was clear: at 4:45 pm they will beat you, at 7:00 pm you will watch a movie, and you will be scolded for it.
It often happens that girls are persuaded. They leave home, but maintain contact with their relatives, with their husband or parents. They begin to remember all the good things. You were not only beaten there, kept in a dungeon and starved to death – this is not so. It's all interspersed with something good. Relatives convince you that they understood everything, that they have already been punished and will never be like this again. Often girls come back because they believe that now everything will change. Often they leave not to stop the abuse, but to punish it.
“Female circumcision is sometimes done without the knowledge of the mother.” Aminat (name changed)
I met Sveta [Anokhina] when I decided to publicize the situation in the Orenburg clinic where girls were circumcised. This happened to my distant relative. In this case, circumcision acquired a scandalous character – because the girl's parents were divorced, and this was done without the knowledge of the mother.
The clinic had this service in the price list. But when a person came there, they did not conclude an agreement on the provision of medical services and simply transferred the money into their hands – that is, it is impossible to prove that this happened according to the documents. This is generally very common in the field of medical services in private clinics. When the disassembly began, everything was forged as it should. Sveta Anokhina released a material about this, but the clinic managed to avoid punishment.
And then the Marem group appeared. There were no announcements that we need people who will help women. This group arose out of friendship and acquaintance, with confidants – somewhere around 10 women. I was coordinating. Link these people, talk to that person, pass this on. I kept chats, and they contained such information, because of which a person can be killed, because when a girl turns to us for help, she tells everything as it is. For about a year I did this, just sitting at my home in Grozny.
I was always afraid that they would find out about Marem and that there was a Chechen
And in our country it happens that they catch feminists or in general those who do not correspond to traditional norms. And that's why I was always afraid that now they would find out about Marem, find out that there was a Chechen woman, and they would come for the phone. And so, when they knocked on the door, I ran to delete all our chats. Because it's not just about my safety, but about the safety of a large number of people.
My parents want me to quit my human rights work and lead a quiet life. Like, probably, many parents, especially Caucasian ones. I'm afraid it will affect them in some way. And because of this, I am largely limited in words, in actions, in visibility. Before we left here, we generally hid the fact that there was a Chechen woman in Marem.
We are the most non-judgmental organization. We have no prejudice. That is, all people have them, but we don’t care anything about you if you have trouble: where are you from, who are you, are you immoral. And many women are afraid of this when they turn to Caucasian organizations. And so they sometimes justify themselves for being raped when they write to us.
Do I plan to return to Russia? If I think it's safe, then yes. But so far, I don't think it's even close.
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Marem activists have been out of Russia for more than a year, but they continue to coordinate the evacuation of victims of domestic violence at a distance. In March 2022, one of the activists opened a shelter in Tbilisi , a home for journalists who fled Russia. And in September, another one – for Russian men who escaped from the mobilization.
“Now the entire Chechen people is being held hostage.” Lana Estemirova
13 years ago in Chechnya, Natalya Estemirova, one of the founders of the Memorial human rights center, who investigated cases of kidnappings, torture and extrajudicial executions in Chechnya, was kidnapped and killed. The Insider spoke to her daughter Lana.
For several decades now, complete lawlessness has reigned in Chechnya – and it is carried out by Chechens, who, of course, were installed by the Russian authorities. The Kadyrovites adopted tactics from the federals in terms of torture or abductions, but they added psychological torture to this. Kadyrov, as a Chechen, knows how to intimidate and break the people – not with electric shocks, not with beatings, not with rapes, but by taking his whole family, for example, to the police station, to the prosecutor's office, and simply put the barrel of a gun in front of them.
In Chechnya, the family is the most sacred thing. The whole mentality and the whole culture is built around this. For the sake of the family, people will go to great lengths, including meanness and cowardice. Because when your child is kidnapped and they say: “If you utter a word, we will kill him,” it shuts your mouth. A very sophisticated form of torture.
Now the entire Chechen people is being held hostage. And it seems to me that in Russia it is customary to turn a blind eye to this. But I have no illusions about relations between Russia and Chechnya – there is still a lot of enmity, unexplained relations.
Everything is built around the personality cult of Ramzan Kadyrov, and therefore women now have no salvation. An absolute atmosphere of lawlessness and powerlessness, when parents cannot even protect their children, because they need to think about other children and other relatives.
Even if people move abroad, most of them still have relatives in Chechnya. Uncles, aunts, cousins, sisters will come for everyone. Look at Akhmed Zakayev , who has been in exile for a decade. Recently, there was another scandal that Kadyrov's men dragged out some of his brothers or relatives who remained in Chechnya and forced them to denigrate Zakayev's name. Because it is such a punching bag for Kadyrov.
In Chechnya, everything is built around the cult of personality of Ramzan Kadyrov, and therefore women now have no salvation
Now in the Chechen diaspora in Europe, many do not trust each other, they do not even know who to call for tea. There, Kadyrov has his own spies and organizations. He even tries to use the so-called soft power, builds mosques, opens some centers named after his father. Chechnya alone is not enough for him – now he wants to take his power beyond its borders, to control Chechens all over the world.
I have not been to Chechnya since 2012 <after the death of her mother, Lana Estemirova went to live in the UK – The Insider> . And I'm unlikely to go there as long as Kadyrov is in power. I don't need to go there anymore. I'm just disgusted.
Now I am writing a book about my life with my mother in Chechnya. I speak openly, I have nothing to lose. The most precious thing I had was my mother. We lived together, it was my whole family. And on the day my mother was killed, my whole family was killed.