Psychological adaptation
Immigrant parents face very different challenges, ranging from the sudden need to explain geopolitics to five-year-old children that they themselves do not fully understand, to the difficulties of adapting children to a new school community, to a new curriculum and language. Usually, the younger children are, the easier they perceive the move (often even easier than their parents), but teenage children sometimes reflect even more than necessary. The family of Alexander (not his real name) moved from Russia to Lithuania in the summer and considered it their main task to find a suitable school for their 14-year-old daughter. “My daughter had a lot of stress about how she would be received in the class, whether she would be bullied. My wife and I also did not know what to expect, given that the classes can be mixed – they can include children from Russia, Ukraine and Belarus. We were also very stressed and in disarray,” says Alexander. As a rule, adaptation is easier than parents expect, but this does not mean that it is not necessary to prepare for it.
Child psychologist, candidate of pedagogical sciences Anna Tomilina says that in any difficult situation, including in exile, parents should first of all take care of their own psychological well-being: “If they are exhausted, they will broadcast their anxiety to the child. To restore mental strength, you can use not only medication and work with a psychotherapist – relaxation, breathing exercises, sports, yoga, going to the philharmonic or the forest will also help if it is close to you. In addition to taking care of their own peace of mind, Tomilina identified three more main tasks for parents – to tell children the truth, emphasize the good aspects of a new life, predict life at least for the coming weeks and inform the child about it:
“The younger the child, the more he reads some non-verbal manifestations. When a mother verbally demonstrates optimism, but she has sad eyes, this only adds to the anxiety of the child, because he hears one thing and feels another. Therefore, it is important that parents tell the truth, just dose it. It is necessary to tell the truth, but not go into your pain, so that it does not become a trigger that will increase the child's fears. If a child says that he is afraid of new friends, do not ignore his emotions and answer: “Come on, you are so sociable with me.” Rather say: “I understand your difficulties, I understand how you feel. I am always near". During a conversation, it is very important to listen to the child. And most importantly, if a child has a lot of fears, then he does not need to broadcast his fears.
While preparing for emigration, parents are very vulnerable, so the very need to talk with a child frightens parents even more, notes a child and adolescent psychologist, teacher Dina Palekha. In this regard, parents often choose to delay this conversation and deny the importance of the event, declaring to the child that, in general, life will not change so much. The psychologist recommends not to delay this conversation, because the child needs time to comprehend this decision. At the same time, it is necessary to concentrate on the good, to tell the children that they are waiting for new and vivid impressions, new friends. In addition, you can introduce your child to a new country with the help of cartoons and movies, travel blogs, books, music and some funny words from the language of the country where you are going.
Although it is very difficult to predict something in the conditions of forced emigration, one should try to minimize the feeling of uncertainty for children by explaining the situation to them honestly, but in a language they understand. Children, of course, cannot understand all aspects of the situation in which their family has fallen, but this does not mean that you need to hide something from them. Inga arrived in Lithuania from Ukraine in March with her two sons, aged 6 and 9. She openly told them why they needed to leave. “She said it like it is – because the war,” says Inga, adding that the sons calmly accepted this conversation. About the same age were the children in the family of Roman, who left Russia: “They explained that there is such a villain Putin, who seized power in Russia and attacked another country. And that it is dangerous for good people to live in Russia now, Putin can put such people in jail. The children took all this calmly and as a matter of course, immediately began to offer inventive ways to kill Putin as soon as possible. In general, they seem to think in the same way as adults, just a little simplistic. By the way, the younger one himself asked to make him a ribbon in the colors of the Ukrainian flag, so that he could go to school like that.”
Adaptation in the language environment
Most often, the adaptation of children to a different language environment occurs quickly and painlessly, and the younger the children, the easier it is. But sometimes there are difficulties. Anatoly moved to the USA with his family in the fall:
“We have a difficult situation with our older child: at her seven years old, she is very conscious, and it is very difficult for her not to understand what is happening around. She spends several hours at school, but she does not understand anything. It's hard for her when she has to go to school, she cries. And for a five-year-old son, adaptation is easier: he perceives what is happening easier – for example, he can play on the playground with a local child and find a common language without knowing English. At school they watched cartoons in English, he didn’t understand anything, but he didn’t worry about it at all.”
In most cases, in young children, language adaptation occurs in the first six months. “My son went to first grade in Austria, not knowing the language at all, we were worried about this,” says Evgeny, “a couple of months later there was a parent meeting, we were told that he was doing better, which was worse. I asked: what about the language, he does not know German at all. The teacher waved his hand: don't think about it, he already understands everything.
But it is not so much the understanding of the language itself that is important, but how the child relates to the fact that much is not clear to him. “Everyone told me that in six months the children would start talking on their own, but this didn’t happen with mine,” says Roman, “but no one scolds them at school for this, so it doesn’t bother them at all. A year later, they only learned a small set of words and learned how to write letters, but somehow manage to be friends and play with other children, so we don’t worry, they will catch up sooner or later.”
In many European countries, the state offers free language lessons for immigrant children, and this really helps a lot. Inga's children study at a school where all classes are conducted in Lithuanian: “At first they did not understand anything, but the school singled out a teacher who taught them Lithuanian for free,” she said. According to her, the eldest son has already begun to speak Lithuanian a little.
Palekha calls the age of 4-8 years optimal for integration into a new language environment, since the child's brain at this time is ready to absorb new information, and he still does not have so many external social connections. At 7 or 8 years old, a child may experience overload due to the fact that he has recently adapted to the first grade, but he will again experience similar stress. Palekha considers the age from 9 to 12 years old to be still suitable for a comfortable entry into a new life context, although he notes that now the child will have to break off the connections that have already appeared. With older children, it can be difficult anyway, and moving can exacerbate the situation:
“This is a period of building boundaries with parents, searching for “ours”, understanding your own values and guidelines. This is the time when a teenager wants to question any parent's opinion. Therefore, it is especially important not to enter into disputes and beliefs, to mirror the feelings and emotions of the child as much as possible (“I understand that you are angry”, “I know that it is not easy”), to respect his losses (friends, the usual course of life).
In countries where there is schooling in Russian, many parents of emigrants prefer to send their children there. Alexander says that his daughter learns Lithuanian, but the lessons at her school are conducted in Russian: “Lithuania does not create an insurmountable language barrier for a person who does not know Lithuanian. If it was a school where lessons are taught in Lithuanian, then everything would be different, but we decided not to increase the stress.”
Other parents, on the contrary, in order to reduce the stress of the child, begin to speak among themselves in the family in the language of the country where they arrived, so that the children quickly get used to the language. So, for example, after emigrating to Britain, Sophia began to speak both with her husband and with a small child only in English. The downside of this decision is obvious: the child has completely lost his knowledge of Russian, since no one speaks it in his environment. Emigrants with experience advise: it is better to spend extra time teaching children their native language, since they will definitely learn the language of the environment well, but they will quickly forget their native language without regular practice.
Schools in Lithuania
Daughter Alexander in Russia graduated from the seventh grade, in Lithuania she entered the eighth:
“We went to the Vilnius City Hall and wrote an application for admission to the school. It can be submitted even with a D visa, but it will not work with a C visa. And during the time that is required by law, it seems like ten working days, they sent us a letter that our application was accepted and we were offered to choose one of the four schools. These are public free schools. There are several Russian-language schools in Vilnius.”
However, these schools were an hour away from home, and at the end of the summer, Alexander and his wife again came to the mayor's office and asked for help with another school. They wrote an application, and the next day they received a letter that the application was approved:
“This school was twice as close. The director told us that due to the influx of Russian-speaking students, they decided to expand the classes and there was a free place. We signed an agreement, and on September 1, she already went to school.”
Oleksandr noted that in Lithuania, students are enrolled in a class not by the level of knowledge, but by age.
The family was surprised at how smoothly the child managed to integrate into a new life: the class was very friendly, and the teachers were attentive.
“She immediately hit it off with the class teacher, who took her aside on the first day and told her she understood her concern that bad things might be said about her because of her background. “If this happens, come to me right away, because we believe here that no child should be subjected to this.”
The schedule at the school is built in such a way that compulsory school hours begin at 9:00, and before that there is an hour for extracurricular activities. If the child does not have time in some subject, he can come to this teacher for a consultation and pull it up. These hours also include an additional lesson in the Lithuanian language, Alexander says. Schoolchildren are given all the necessary textbooks, but they are in Lithuanian.
Ukrainian Inga says that both of her children are rather satisfied with their studies, although they lag behind the program due to the fact that they are only learning the Lithuanian language. Citizens of Ukraine, in order to enroll a child in a school or kindergarten in Lithuania, can contact the coordinators in the city where they live. Preschoolers, as well as first and second grade students receive free lunches. All children are provided with assistance in purchasing school supplies at the beginning of the school year. Each child from Ukraine will be given enough time to adapt at school and in a new country, the Ministry of Education promises . In Lithuania , there are Lithuanian-, Polish- and Russian-speaking schools, as well as kindergartens, in which a child can be enrolled, even with only a long-term visa, and not a residence permit.
Children from Ukraine can also attend non-formal education circles for free, where various teachers will work with them: artists, musicians, dance teachers and others.
Families can count on various benefits – one-time or periodic.
A hotline for Ukrainians has been set up in Lithuania at 1808. Other useful contacts can be found here .
Useful links:
Memo for Ukrainians on medicine
Memo for Ukrainians about various assistance from Lithuania + contacts
Memo for Ukrainians about psychological assistance
Schools in Poland
In Poland, education in both public kindergartens and schools is free of charge. Children aged 3-6 can be placed in kindergarten. As an exception, they can accept a child who is 2.5 years old. Parents need to select a preschool, apply online or offline, depending on whether the preschool accepts applications online. Polish authorities warn that the child may not be accepted, but this decision can be appealed.
Children aged 7 to 18 in the country attend school. To enroll a child in a school, parents must select an educational institution and submit an application. Ukrainians, along with the application, must provide documents confirming the child’s education, or, if they are not available, write another application indicating which school and in what years the child studied. For students who do not speak the language well, the school organizes additional free Polish lessons.
For students who do not speak the language well, the school organizes additional free Polish lessons
In addition, Ukrainians in Poland are offered a child allowance: 500 zlotys (about €106) per month for each child under 18 years old, as well as a child allowance from 12 to 35 months: you can choose between a 500 zloty allowance for 24 months or PLN 1,000 (€212) for 12 months.
Useful links:
Information for Ukrainians from the UN
Schools in the USA
“From the point of view of enrolling in a school, the process was quite simple. First we chose a school, and then where we will live. There are ratings by which we found several cool schools. In one of them, we wrote applications for both children, ”says Anatoly. The answer for the son (5 years old) came in about three days, the application for the daughter (7 years old) was considered for about five days. In addition, she had to fill out a more detailed questionnaire, where it was necessary to indicate where she studied and what she knew, after which she was sent to an English test.
"Since our children's first language is not English, they are assigned to a special class with teachers who teach English in a playful way."
At school, Anatoly's daughter was given a laptop and a math workbook, in which she does assignments in free mode. Once a week, on Friday, she shows the teacher what she has done.
“In Russia, we took our son to a neuropsychologist and a speech therapist, in the USA we were told that these specialists are at school and they can diagnose the child. And it's all free. Paid only lunches and mugs.
The United States is ready to provide material assistance to refugees from Ukraine, as well as assistance in finding work and medical care.
Useful links:
About the program to help Ukrainians Uniting for Ukraine
About benefits for refugees from Ukraine
Schools in Georgia
It is not so easy to get into the Georgian state kindergarten: there is a queue . They accept from the age of three, but all the gardens are Georgian-speaking. The classes are free of charge. A Russian-language kindergarten can be found among private ones, they also have groups that accept children under the age of three. However, you will have to pay for such a garden.
A child who is six years old before October 1 can go to the first grade in Georgia. Unlike kindergartens, there are departments in Georgian public schools where education takes place in Russian and is free of charge.
Useful links:
List of Russian-speaking schools in Tbilisi
Chat "In Georgia with children"
UN website about assistance to Ukrainians in Georgia
Schools in the Czech Republic
In the Czech Republic, children of foreigners, like local ones, must go to a Czech school from the age of six and finish nine grades – this is a mandatory requirement, explains Karel Lucak, a gymnasium teacher, a master of psychology and physical education. At the same time, they can attend online classes in a Ukrainian or Russian school, but only as an elective (the Czech school inspectorate reported in the spring that many Ukrainian students study in this way, which leads to overload). After the fifth or ninth grade, the student can go to the gymnasium. In addition, at the end of the ninth grade, if desired, you can switch to online education in a Ukrainian or Russian school.
The Czech education system assumes that students go to school for 13 years (if the student wants to continue their studies after the ninth grade). Accordingly, if you go to the gymnasium after the fifth grade, you will need to unlearn eight more years, and if after the ninth – four more. In addition, you should be prepared for the fact that the academic year here lasts ten months.
Veronika Taushova, a school methodologist, teacher of French and geography, works in a Czech school with Ukrainian children. According to her, her school does not have a special program for Ukrainian children, with the exception of Czech and Ukrainian language lessons. Otherwise, Ukrainians study according to the same schedule as Czech children. However, she noted, each school creates its own set of rules in this regard – there are no uniform requirements.
For teachers who work in different countries with children who came from Ukraine, she recommended to be patient and explain everything slowly. “They can write a test, but then discuss the tasks with each student again to make sure everything is clear,” Taushova said. Родителям она также порекомендовала запастись терпением, а также смотреть сериалы, читать книги и соцсети на языке той страны, в которую они приехали.
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